A Handful Of Good Qualities
by saiyanwizard
Summary: After completing a mission for the Order of the Phoenix, Lily Potter spends the night at a safe house. She never expected to see Severus Snape. AU. Rated just in case.


**Disclaimer:** All wizards, Muggles, magical creatures, magical places, and everything else out of the Harry Potter series was created and is owned by J.K. Rowling. I claim no ownership to any of the series' content, and I am making no profit in the writing of this fan fiction.

**Summary:** After completing a mission for the Order of the Phoenix, Lily Potter spends the night at a safe house. She never expected to see Severus Snape. AU.

_Hey everyone!_

_Over the last year or so, I've really become interested in the Severus/Lily ship. Since Severus' love for Lily has such a profound role in the Harry Potter series, I really wanted to do a piece about it. Here's the story I promised for Severus' birthday, January 9th._

_This story is AU. I realize that in order to make sense with the events from the series, Lily would already be pregnant with Harry by the time Severus became a spy for the Order. That would be a bit problematic for my plot, so for this one, Lily is married to James but is not yet pregnant and Severus is already a spy for Dumbledore._

_I hope you will all enjoy!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

A Handful Of Good Qualities

"I am a member of the Order of the Phoenix," said Lily Potter to no one in particular as she stood at the front door of a small cottage in the pouring rain. As soon as she heard the lock click, she twisted the door handle and scrambled inside, nearly slipping in the threshold. Thunder shook the small house as she pushed the door closed against the cold night air. She slipped again and grabbed onto the doorknob for support. It was a few moments before she realized that she was breathing heavily.

Lily pulled off her cloak and her outer robe, which were both quite damp. Fortunately, her blouse and jeans were dry. _It looks like this place hasn't been used in ages_, she mused, noticing that the curtains were tightly drawn and the place smelt slightly of dust. The latter problem was solved with a whispered word and a wave of her wand. Another wave, and a low flame was lit in the fireplace. _I wonder if there's any food here._ Lily wandered into the kitchen, which, sadly, was quite bare. She searched through the cupboards and found three bowls, two spoons, a fork, a frying pan, two mugs, a can of soup, and half a loaf of stale bread. "We really need to discuss the upkeep of these houses," she sighed. "I guess it's soup tonight."

There was no stove, so she took the frying pan and the can of soup back to the fireplace and began to warm up the small amount of food there was. "I'm glad James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter aren't here; it would be sheer chaos trying to divide this up amongst them," she said, chuckling. And then it occurred to her. "Wait, Lily, you're a witch. You can increase the quantity of food if you already have some!"

When the soup looked ready (it was hard to tell when using a frying pan), she poured it out into a bowl and began to eat. After the quick meal, she took the dishes to the sink and began to wash them by hand. _I know that magic would be faster, but I just can't break some habits_, she thought. _Plus, it's best to use as little magic as possible in case there are Death Eaters in the area. _Having finished her task, she began to look for clean linen for the bed.

_Thud._ There was a crash at the door. "What – ?" Lily murmured, drawing her wand. She could hear a bit of shuffling and sliding against wood, almost as if someone was trying to claw their way into the safe house. Lily slowly inched her way to the entrance, ready to hex the intruder, but following a bit of rethinking, she scurried behind the couch.

After what seemed like an hour (but was actually only a few minutes), the door creaked open. _Only Order members are supposed to be able to get through without a struggle,_ thought Lily. She slowly peeked around the arm of the sofa and saw a tall, dark figure standing in the doorframe. When it closed the door, the room was engulfed in darkness. Lily thought it was a good time to reveal herself, and she jumped out from behind the couch and lit her wand. "_Lumos!_" she cried, shoving her bright wand in the other person's face. The intruder groaned and lifted an arm to shield his face. "Who are you, and how did you get in here?"

The tall, dark figure stopped struggling. He slowly lowered his arm until she saw black eyes squinting back at her. "_Lily?_"

She blinked several times. _Who is this?_ she thought. The intruder dropped his arm completely, and Lily found herself face-to-face with Severus Snape, he former best friend from their days as students at Hogwarts – and even before then. She had not seen him since graduation. Merlin, she had not seen much of him since the end of their fifth year. "What are you doing here, Snape?"

He blinked as water ran down his face and neck from his sopping hair. "This is a safe house for the Order of the Phoenix, is it not?" he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"That doesn't explain why you're here," Lily replied, her wand still pointing at his chest.

"I need a place to stay before I return to Hogwarts," he said, fighting the urge to pull off his drenched robes. It really was quite cold. "Dumbledore has kindly offered the use of this dwelling."

Lily's eyes narrowed. "I didn't know you were in the Order."

"Not many people do, and I would like to keep it that way," he replied, reaching across his chest to pull off the first of his outer layers. He did so with much difficulty; the wet clothes seemed to stick to him, and his chilled bones added a little stiffness to his movement.

Moved to compassion for the man before her, Lily's features softened. "Let me help you with that," she said as she moved to help him pull off his dripping outer robes.

"No!" He jumped away from her as if burnt. His face instantly showed regret. "I mean, I'm fine." He sighed and finished removing the layer. He draped it over the coat rack by the door, and Lily saw a dark stain on his left arm. "I can do it myself."

"Is that blood?!" whispered Lily, still staring at his arm.

"Don't worry about it," he said as he peeled off another layer.

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but she closed it abruptly. She walked over to a cabinet and started searching for something to dry him off with. "Magic would be much faster."

"Magic would also attract attention." Severus had taken off everything that was wet except for his shirt. His pants, miraculously, were dry. The pile of soaked clothing was creating a puddle of water in front of the door.

Lily walked over with a towel and handed it to Severus. "What do you mean by that?"

He hesitantly took the towel from her and began to dry his hair, which seemed difficult and awkward because he could not properly use his left arm without inflicting pain on himself. "My mission attracted some unwanted attention."

She was now hanging up the rest of his wet clothes on the rack. "Death Eaters?"

He flinched; whether it was from her words or from pain, she could not tell. "Yes."

"Why were they following you?"

Severus chose to ignore her question. "I believe that I managed to lose them, but the less magic we use, the better. A majority of them have no idea how to detect magical traces, but there are a few…more clever followers, and I really do not feel like dueling tonight." He draped the towel over the rickety chair that stood in front of a small table against the wall. Despite the fire, he was visibly shivering in his wet shirt.

"You need to take that off before you catch a cold," said Lily from the coat rack.

Severus glanced over his shoulder at her. "What?"

"That shirt," she said. "It's wet. You'll get sick."

"I'm fine," he said, crossing his arms around his torso.

She was unsure if the motion was in protest or in desperate attempt to contain warmth. "But – "

"No." He did not turn around to look at her, but she could tell that he was scowling.

"You're the one that said we shouldn't use magic, so you can't dry it off unless you hang it up in front of the fire."

"No," he said once more.

Lily sighed. "I'll look for something else for you to wear." With that, she began to search the linen closet again.

"No, I won't – "

"No, Severus, you will!" said Lily, slamming the closet door all the way open. She spun around and looked at him. "You may not care about your well-being, but I do!" She exhaled deeply. "You also need to take care of that arm."

"I never said I didn't care about my well-being," he mumbled, rather put out. He peeled off the damp shirt and hung it on the coat rack, instantly feeling chilled as his cold skin met the warming air. He shivered. Suddenly feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable, he pulled his left forearm to his stomach and covered it with his right hand.

"I think I found a basic healer's kit," said Lily from the closet. "I'm sure these potions aren't up to your usual standards, but it's something. You may want to sit down."

Reluctantly, Severus lowered himself to sit on the worn-out sofa. He felt like he was sitting on a board. He leaned back, which proved to be stiff and uncomfortable, but he did not really care. Severus felt his eyelids droop slightly, but he fought sleep when he heard Lily's footsteps. His left arm was still snugly cradled against his torso.

Lily sat down next to him. He was, as he often did, hiding behind his hair. She looked to the wound on his left bicep. It was no longer bleeding, but the skin around the tear was red and warm. "Does it hurt a lot?" she asked softly.

"Not really," he mumbled, although he tensed when she brushed her finger across the edge.

"It doesn't look too deep," she said, relieved. Opening up the small box on her lap, she pulled out a gauze cloth and a disinfecting solution. "I think this is probably going to hurt, so sorry in advance." She poured out some of the liquid and held the cloth over the wound. It started to smoke and sizzle, and Severus immediately tensed and closed his eyes. Lily winced in sympathy. After a while, she pulled the cloth away and wiped away the remaining dried blood. Then she took out a jar of healing salve from the box. Unscrewing the lid, she applied some to another clean gauze cloth and dabbed it on Severus' arm. The cool salve provided much relief and ebbed the sting of the wound, causing Severus to visibly relax. _This mixture must be pretty good if it meets Severus' unconscious approval_, she mused.

Having completed a majority of the task at hand, Lily pulled out a gauze pad and a roll of bandages to finish the job. It was only after observing his position that she hesitated. "You're going to have to move your arm so that I can wrap it for you."

Severus immediately tensed again. "No. Just leave it. It feels much better already."

She sighed, but did not try to move his arm. "Severus," she began slowly. "I know what that is. You don't have to hide it from me."

"…"

"Besides," she continued, "if you're really doing what I think you are, you need to have it."

"That's not why I originally took it," he whispered bitterly.

"I know."

He peeked out from behind his hair for the first time, and she saw the uncertainty in his eyes. After a few moments, he refocused his gaze on his lap and held his arm out to her. Even so, he carefully angled it so that the Dark Mark was mostly hidden from her view.

With more self-control than she knew she possessed, Lily managed to only glance at what she could see of the mark before she began to bandage his arm. She did so carefully and delicately; she did not want to cause him further pain. When she was done, he took his arm back against his stomach and covered it with his right hand. "Thank you," he murmured.

Lily smiled warmly. "You're welcome," she replied, replacing everything she took out back in the box and closing it. "Did you eat? I'm afraid there isn't any food. Well, there's some stale bread, but – "

"I'm not hungry," he said.

She raised her eyebrow. "Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"I'm not," he insisted. "Water will suffice if the faucet is working."

"No wonder you have no meat on your bones," teased Lily as she got up and went to the sink. Severus looked like he really wanted to make a biting remark, but he said nothing. She soon returned with a mug of water. "Sorry it's not cold, but I expect you wouldn't want that," she said.

"Thank you," he said before he drank.

Lily returned to the linen closet and put the healer's kit back on the shelf. She once again began to look for clean linen for the bed and a shirt for Severus. There were a number of towels and wash cloths, but they were all too small to be of any use. Finally, she found two pillows and a blanket on the very bottom shelf. She threw the pillows on the bed. "There doesn't seem to be any extra clothes in the house, and I could only find one blanket," she said to Severus, who had finished the water and was placing the mug on the side table. "We'll have to share, but it's quite big."

"You can use it," was his reply. "I'll take the couch."

"Nonsense, you must be freezing after soaking in that ice water. Besides, I don't think that thing is safe to sleep on. You'll hurt your back."

"It's fine; it's only one night."

"No, I insist," she said, leaving no room for argument. She walked over to the couch and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him up. Reluctantly, Severus followed her and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled off his shoes and his socks before slowly swinging his legs onto the bed, ignoring the slight ache in his muscles. As Lily crawled over to him, much to close for his liking, and threw the blanket over their legs, he noticed for the umpteenth time how lovely her hair was and berated himself for doing so. _Thank Merlin she is fully clothed_, he thought as he laid back.

"It sounds like it's still raining," said Lily as she settled in next to him with a fair distance between them, although it was still too close for his liking.

"It would seem so," he replied, staring at the ceiling.

"Stop being so tense," she said, smiling with her head propped up on her hand.

At this, he felt the corners of his mouth creep upward. _How many times has she said that to me before?_ he thought, suddenly feeling nostalgic. "Sorry," he said, "just tired."

"Hmmm." She decided not to press the issue any further. "This kind of reminds you of the good old days at the Spot, doesn't it?"

"A bit," he replied, "but I am grateful we aren't out in that rain."

"Oh yes," she said. "It's much nicer in here."

They fell into a comfortable silence. Severus was quite content to just lie next to her, to know that she did not mind being in his presence. As he felt his eyelids being to droop for the second time that night, he heard her voice again. "It's nice to see you so…."

"What?" he asked, turning his head to face her.

"So…passive. No, that's not the right word," she said, seeing his raised eyebrow. "So…at ease, I guess. It's nice to know that you can let your guard down a little. It's nice to know that you can relax in bed with a pretty girl, not that I'm trying to flatter myself or anything," she said with a giggle that warmed his heart. "But I'm sure you're used to it."

_No, it's only because it's you. _"Lily," he sighed, looking at the ceiling again, "I'm not exactly a desirable man."

"Oh, that's rubbish," she scoffed. "I can think of at least a handful of good qualities that you possess that every woman looks for in a man."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. For example," she said, pulling back the blanket and placing a kiss on his chest, "you have a good heart."

_You're wrong._ He sighed. "Lily – "

Before he could say another word, she was hovering over him. She kissed his forehead. "An intellectual mind."

_And yet, all of that intellect could not fix my mistakes or keep me from making more._ He closed his eyes. "I – "

She ignored him again and brushed her lips over his right eyelid. "Beautiful – " she continued, kissing the other, " – eyes."

_I hate my eyes. _ He looked at her. "Stop it – "

She kissed his nose. "A long nose," she said, a hint of her lovely smile beginning to creep up on her face. "I know you don't like it, but it's not always a bad thing."

_You're lying._

A kiss on his right cheek. "A handsome face."

_She's lying to you._

Another on his left cheek. "A nice body."

_You don't mean that._

And then she was straddling his waist. She slowly lowered herself on top of him, adjusting the blanket so that they were both still covered. Severus began to panic. It took every ounce of self-control in his body to not throw her off of him. A million voices were screaming at him from inside his head. _This is wrong. She's married. Potter will kill you. And Black. She's only joking. No one loves you. She doesn't mean any of it. You are soiled. She HAS to be lying. You are ugly. You're a freak, just like Father said. Everyone hates you. You have done UNFORGIVEABLE things. They have every right to hate you. You are a vile bit of filth. The world would be better off if it was rid of you._

Lily's voice broke the horrific conflict inside him. "Soft lips," she said as she brushed her index finger over his bottom lip. Severus was transfixed in her exquisite green eyes. It was not long before she closed those eyes and gave him the lightest, sweetest, most loving kiss in his entire life.

His heart stopped. The kiss only lasted a fleeting instant, but it embodied everything he had ever wanted. He could not remember a time when he had ever felt so loved. Certainly not at home. Who could call his father loving? And his mother was completely under his father's control, so he received no affection from her either. Definitely not at school. His enemies, the Marauders, had always relished in the idea of his suffering. His Slytherin "friends," as respectful as they were, would not hesitate to high-tail it out of an unfavorable situation and leave him with his face in the dirt amongst those four – well, three Gryffindors, seeing as Lupin had never really done much to him. Even Dumbledore, whom he trusted and respected, was unable to show him much caring. A smile here, a kind gesture there, yes, but nothing so open or public because of Severus' precarious role as a double agent. The world did not trust him – it had no reason to – and the headmaster could only pull so many strings for him.

But this…this was highly unexpected.

"See," said Lily as his heart began to work again, "that's seven already." He could feel her warm breath on his lips. She started to close the distance between their mouths again, but not before Severus, unwillingly, let out a heart-wrenching sob.

This time, he did not think twice. He may not have even thought once. He more than willingly allowed her to take control, to kiss him fully and deeply. His body lay limp, weak, and broken under her comforting weight. He was so tired that he did not move, but rather allowed himself to only feel, to be completely consumed by the small measure of love that was given to him. Warmth spread from his mouth, down his throat, into his stomach, and flowed to the tips of his fingers and toes.

She broke off slowly and deliberately, gazing into his beautiful black irises. "But why?" he asked in a strangled voice. She could see the sorrow and the unshed tears in his eyes. "You've made it very clear that you love Potter."

Lily sighed. "Yes, I do love him. With all my heart. But if the man known as James Potter had never existed…things might have been different. I know that I would be heartbroken if anything were to happen to you."

"You cannot mean that."

"Oh, but I do. I would feel like dying. You've been in my life for far too long for me to lie about something like this." She brushed back the fringe that had fallen into his eyes. Such beautiful black eyes. She had never met anyone else with eyes like his.

Once more, she brought her mouth to his. The thought that this whole thing may have been a bad idea never crossed Lily's mind. She had been a little afraid that she might be teasing him by giving him something that she did not really have to give, but he seemed not to care. He was positively starving for comfort and love and was willing to take whatever he could get, but he was not rushing. He slowly and deliberately kissed her back with a reverence that was almost unbearable. She felt his hand lightly brush her cheek and realized that he was straining his neck to kiss her. She placed a hand on his chest and gently pushed him back onto the bed.

Even as he felt her hand snake through his hair, Severus was a little surprised that he was perfectly fine with just kissing her. He knew many guys that would gladly take an opportunity such as this to do everything imaginable with a girl, but perhaps he was just of a different mindset. He dared not taint something so lovely, so pure, so soft. _So wonderful._ The small voice in his head reminding him that Lily was married to Potter and that she was probably well-versed in matters concerning pleasures of the flesh had been drowned out. She was focusing on him, and it blew his mind that she would even give him one night. He was absolutely drunk with contentment.

To Severus, Lily was heaven. Her body was completely covered, and yet it felt so incredibly nice. Every curve rested perfectly against him. How could two people that were not meant to be fit so perfectly?

Severus felt whole. He could die right now and be completely fulfilled. There was nothing more important than this woman. He felt her hand run down his injured arm and caress his own. And it was then that he realized: even though he knew that this moment would not leave the safe house, even though he knew that he would be gone by the time Lily woke the next morning, he was utterly satisfied with knowing that he meant even the tiniest bit to the most important person in his world.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story. I would really appreciate it if you let me know what you think :).

And, of course, Happy Birthday to Severus Snape!


End file.
